Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
