All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
