Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize