I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Randomize
