why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
