Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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