who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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