No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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