She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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