it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
