Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
sarcasm needs its own font
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
