How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
