You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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