I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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