Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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