There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
