It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
