she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
