I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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