I'm lost and stupid without you.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
