wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
