I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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