Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
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