The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
