i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
