A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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