It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
