I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize