just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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