We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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