OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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