I wish I could teleport
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
