Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
