There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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