Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
