butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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