Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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