Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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