We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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