i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
