Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
