a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
