tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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