I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
