I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I believe in your delicious
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
