I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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