I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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