I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
