i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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