Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
