I wanna passion pit in your ass
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
