dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
