Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
