Walk of Shame. In a state park.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
