the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
He kissed a someone with a penis
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
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