What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
