3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
