I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
