Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
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