And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Quick, to the slutcave!
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Bring me that man meat
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
