he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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