If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Please don't give away my fajitas
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
